It’s that time of the year again. The time where single people everywhere are reminded that they don’t have a “plus one” . . . all because of one day on the calendar. Yep, I’m talking Valentine’s Day.
The struggle is real because I just watched a Subaru commercial that used the tagline “Find your love, it’s out there.” Seriously, Subaru? I expected more. (Well . . . not really.)
Early in my single season, I dreaded the good ol’ day-o-love. While I have some awesome memories, I fed into the propaganda and unrealistic expectations around romance. I cringe inside when I think of the pressures I put on my previous significant others to make each Valentine’s Day bigger and better than the other. I would hint around about two weeks before hand and make it more than obvious that I expected big, grandiose plans.
This mode of thought bled into my single expectations as well. I expected to have a romantic date at a wonderful restaurant even if it was with someone I barely knew or liked. I just wanted to be sure that I had a date because that meant I wasn’t alone. When I didn’t have that experience, I convinced myself I was missing out. The date validated me and covered up my true insecurities that reared their ugly head when I didn’t have someone to distract me. I was so focused on myself and my feelings that I didn’t even consider the poor soul I was asking to spend way too much money on a dinner that would most likely lead to nowhere. I had a one-track mind and it was all about taking what I could get. This is the complete opposite of what this day is supposed to be about.
Every married couple I have spoken with that has more than two years in the game, gives Valentine’s Day the good ol’ shoulder shrug. Their reasoning was that this holiday isn’t a big deal when you already choose to love someone every day. They explained that the grand gestures didn’t hold weight to the simple, every day actions that make a marriage work. Perhaps it is emptying the dishwasher, fixing a homemade dinner, taking out the trash or putting gas in the car without asking. Those were the true gestures that said I love you and created long-lasting romance.
As we approach another Valentine’s Day, I wanted to encourage my single peeps out there. This one day does not define you or your life. It can be a beautiful day full of romantic gestures but if you are not at that stage in life, it can still be a beautiful day. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have or who is not giving you love, do like some of those married couples and share love in your everyday actions.
“But Carrie, I don’t have a boo to show my every day love!”
I hear you. But showing or giving love doesn’t have to be romantic. You can give love in the form of kindness, generosity, consideration and thoughtfulness. I’ve decided to reclaim Valentine’s Day and the whole month of February as my time to show love through quality time, compliments, encouragement and support. It’s my month-o-love!
I’ve brunched with my mentor, worshipped with friends and sang karaoke as a mid-week outing. I’ve even face-timed, tagged along for beauty consultations and supported new business ventures. And I’m only two weeks in! Not only am I showing love by spending time with those who mean a lot to me, I am receiving tons of love back. I’ve received positive words of affirmation, encouragement in new endeavors, compliments, free meals and more! Me reaching out to others has been even more fulfilling because these purposeful people have poured into my life. I am a walking ball of gushy, mushy love right now and its wonderful. Never did I imagine that God would fill my life with so many meaningful relationships that weren’t centered around romance.
This realization has actually helped me discover true contentment and confidence in who I am and my season of life. I’ll be able to look back on my days as a single woman and know that I lived it with purpose and excitement while surrounding myself with people who I could pour into and who would reciprocate.
I am happier now than I have ever been and no relationship or Valentine’s Day celebration could ever bring that into my life.
So, I want to pass on this inner joy to you. If you are in a season where romantic love has not knocked on your door, its okay! Don’t get sucked into the illusions of relationship goals on the ‘Gram. Instead, celebrate those special people in your life (the true, genuine ones) and call up a friend for an overdue chat. Grab brunch with a new acquaintance or go see the new Black Panther movie with your crew.
Nobody around? Take yourself out on a date. If you can’t enjoy your own company, nobody else will. I am a firm believer in entertaining myself.
Don’t feel like leaving the house? Turn on your favorite music and jump and dance until you’re out of breath. Whatever it is, make yourself smile.
You are beautiful, wonderful and loved. Don’t let one day of the year make you feel any different.
