There’s No Such Thing as a Break

I promise I wasn’t snooping. I was perusing my favorite bookstore when I overheard a conversation between two young ladies at the end of the same aisle I was on. I heard snippets about the odds of running into one another at the bookstore, mutual college friends, plans for the summer and a break in a relationship. That’s when my ears perked up.

One of the ladies, who looked to be in her late teens, was sharing how her boyfriend had suggested that they take a break and she wasn’t sure why. She wore an old, wrinkled blue t-shirt with oversized pants that resembled hospital scrubs. Her dark brown hair was thrown into a messy pony-tail and she wore sandals that had seen better days.

“He just said it out of nowhere and I really don’t know what to think,” she shifted the two books in her right hand to her left and started digging through her purse.

“What does he mean by he wants to take a break?” said her friend.

“I don’t know. I asked him, ‘So, are we broken up?’” she pulled a wadded up tissue from her purse, “and his response was ‘No, it’s not a break-up.’”

This is where I wanted to step in and be the older sister or cool Auntie and say, “Aww baby, there’s no such thing as a break.”

Did she learn nothing from the Friends episode where Ross sleeps with someone else while he and Rachel are on a so-called break? Wait, I think she was probably born around the time that episode aired.

I was trying to think of a recent pop culture relationship that would prove how men do not take breaks but I kept coming up short. How could I help her understand that the fact that her boyfriend all of a sudden asked for a break during the summer had nothing to do with their relationship and more to do with the body part between his legs? He probably had his eyes on an old fling or was feeling himself a bit too much. I resisted the urge to grab her head, shove it into my bosom and rock back and forth while humming a gospel hymn (too much?).

I wanted to break down the truth of it all. Real men don’t take breaks. But immature boys do, especially if they are still in college. A man telling you he wants to take a break is his way of not feeling guilty when he participates in activities that would be considered inappropriate while in a committed relationship. Or, he wants to keep you in the wings waiting, a fallback plan, while he does whatever he wants to do.

While you may be sitting somewhere seriously contemplating where things went south, he is with another female (probably several other females) letting that body member I previously mentioned, do the thinking for him. But he will also spend random time with you when he misses you or wants genuine attention, which will ultimately confuse you even more.

I don’t mean to come across as cold or harsh. It’s the truth. Real relationships don’t have breaks. Your significant other is either with you or not.

I know I am making guys out to be the culprit, but I have to admit that I have done the same thing. My reasoning was due to having my eyes set on someone else who appeared to be an upgrade. I suggested taking a break and used the excuse that I needed to “sort things out” or “things are moving too fast.” I had ill intentions and ended up having the same excuses given to me. I fell for the break excuse but saw with my own two eyes that I was the only one taking the break. Furthermore, a wise man once told me, “He may be on a break from you but he’s definitely not on a break from all other women.”

The young lady was on the verge of tears and had her tissue ready. She explained how she still hadn’t taken the time to sort through her feelings and has only told one friend from school, her best friend, Julie from her internship’s GroupMe and now the acquaintance who she happened to run into in the bookstore.

“But don’t tell anyone else, ok?” she said.

“Oh. Okay, sure.”

I wanted to share is that there is light at the end of her confused tunnel. I’ve seen how this ends. And it doesn’t end well . . . for him.

While he’s out doing whatever it is that men do on these so-called breaks, she is going to be growing and glowing. For now, she is currently in the confused and ignorant category that is young love. Her affection for this boy is clouding all of her sound judgment. And yes, this may go on for longer than it should and she will probably take him back when he comes crawling to her door right before the school year starts. He’ll fill her head with sweet nothings about how much he missed her and yes, she will probably be excited that things are back to the way they should be.

But what he won’t expect is that one day, she’ll wake up and no longer want him. She’ll realize the strength she holds and revel in the fact that no man should hold the power to her dignity or personal value through a relationship status. No one can make her feel less than the fabulous woman that she is. His young-boy antics will seem deafeningly pointless and she will have opened her eyes to the truth: she is fabulous. Any man who wants to take a break from her level of awesomeness is not worthy of her presence.

Eventually, she’ll spend less and less time with him because she has goals. He’ll wonder where her newfound confidence is coming from and naturally start to want to be with her more frequently. A new summer or season will roll around and instead of being a coward like he was, she’ll tell him, “I have other priorities right now. Perhaps we can revisit this at a later time but for now, I think we should see other people.”

His mouth will drop open and he’ll say something that resembles a grunt then act like it’s no big deal. He may even call Natalie or Sarah from the previous summer to see if they can occupy his mind. But even during all of that, he’ll feel her void. He will realize that the things he took for granted are the things he misses most. The sweet texts and the way her forehead would crinkle when she was upset are memories that will haunt him in the wee hours of the night.

The young girl that was practically crying to an acquaintance during a chance encounter in a bookstore will become the confident woman who values herself and no longer looks for validation in a relationship.

I wanted so badly to interrupt and tell her how this goes down. To ensure her that a summer reading awesome literature will benefit her way more than crying over the loser that wants to keep her off to the side while he does whatever he wants to do.

I didn’t though. A stranger who was supposed to be reading the inside cover of a book but was actually intently listening to their conversation would just be creepy.

Instead, I looked the other young lady in the eye and tried to telepathically convey that she should tell her friend to keep it moving.

Turns out, the bookstore acquaintance was no fool. She said, “Sorry to hear that but don’t forget, you hold more power than you think you do. This is your summer to explore and enjoy yourself while reading new literature.”

I wanted to high-five her (but again, creepy). I did feel more hopeful for the broken-hearted young lady. With friends like that in her life, maybe she’ll spare herself further confusion. Maybe she’ll come to the realization of who she is quicker than I did.

Perhaps, I’m not giving her enough credit. She’s going to be just fine.

I rounded the corner with my new book and smiled.