Earlier this year, I was catching up with an old friend and explained how I had not gone on a decent date in forever.
His first response was, “Wow, what’s that like?”
I paused before answering because I didn’t quite have the words to explain. I normally get emotional when I discuss my outlook on dating. It often feels like I’m on this journey alone and the future seems bleak, even though I know that’s not true.
He continued, “It’s not like you don’t have options. You’re choosing not to date, right?”
Emotions aside, there was some truth in his question. While I don’t purposefully not date, I am protective of my space and who I spend intimate time with or who I get to know. Some would call it picky— I prefer to call it selective. I have to remind myself that my absent dating pool is not a bad thing, no matter what society, social media or anyone else thinks. I have earned the right to be selective and to wait on the right timing.
Why?
Because I believe there is a season for everything.
In the past, I dated to avoid loneliness. I often felt blank inside while I sat across from this guy or that guy with no intentions of a real connection but instead, buying time to delay the onset of boredom. I actually met some sincere guys with good intentions but I always found something wrong. That’s when I realized that the toll my last relationship took on me that was greater than I imagined. My expectations for myself and that relationship were not met which was disappointing and sad. This led me through a season of regret.
I felt like I had wasted time and put myself in questionable situations. I regretted playing the back-and-forth game too long. I compromised my beliefs just to avoid being alone. I regretted not taking the time sooner to explore who I was outside of a relationship and embrace the characteristics that make me who I am. I regretted not listening to my intuition over my body. I also regretted the credit card bill I accumulated because I filled my time with pointless activities that I couldn’t afford.
Eventually, I started drawing closer to the Lord. The season of regret started to pass as I poured over my Bible and listened to Joyce Meyer teachings after work. I cut out all the noise in my head about what I was missing out on and spent quality time with God to hear what He had to say about my situation and my future. That’s when I walked into my healing season.
This was a long season. I kept going around the same mountain and fighting the same battles. I struggled with progress because my heart wasn’t in the right place and my motivation was thwarted. I had to hit a low point in order to learn the value in healing.
God began to show me who He was and who I was in Him. I stopped defining myself by my job, my hair, my body, material possessions, and even my relationship status. Instead, I found out what I like about myself and what I’m not willing to compromise on. I discovered the root of my insecurities and dispelled those lies through the word of God. He revealed how the actions of others weren’t a reflection of my worth. What others may see as flaws, I learned to love as strengths and unique qualities that make me the masterpiece I am.
I was no longer bound by the immature decisions of my past. Instead of regretting them, I loved them and embraced how they have shaped my outlook on life.
Instead of dwelling on my relationship status, I began to treasure the friendships that have cultivated over the years— some old and some new. God taught me how to take the plank out of my own eye and produce some fruit of my own before I started looking for it in others. This, in turn, helped me develop a heart of empathy and genuine interest in others. The simplicity of love was rekindled in my heart.
I found out interesting facts like how I struggle with the idea of complacency and lack of adventure. I don’t enjoy routine and need flexibility grounded in self-discipline. I prefer to rebel against social norms and find peace in my solitude.
My confidence in who God was calling me to be, began to take shape and that’s when I blossomed into my purposeful season.
My purpose is to serve, write, inspire and create. I can live an expression of life that is transparent and real. I tap into the joy that lives within and choose to be happy instead of letting my circumstances dictate my mood.
This perspective has translated into how I view dating and companionship, so I made the decision to date purposefully. When I meet a guy, I go home and pray about him. If he is meant to stick around, he will. If he’s not, he won’t. I don’t put as much pressure on meeting Mr. Right because I understand that in my purpose is sprouting in my singleness.
God has poured so much into my life and given me hidden desires of my heart. Being married is definitely a desire but I truly believe He is working those details out. So in the meantime, I remain about my father’s business.
There are times when I wished each season looked a little different, including this one. Maybe it could be sprinkled with a touch of romance or the prospect of a new venture. Who knows? I won’t dwell on the “maybe’s.” I put one foot in front of the other and travel down my purposeful path— waiting with open eyes and an expectant heart on what the next season could be.
I challenge you to do the same. Reflect on where God has brought you and embrace whatever season you’re in. Shift your perspective and focus your eyes on the here and now with faith that He holds your future. All the challenges, hardships and difficulties are preparing you for what’s next. Don’t allow worry or fear to keep you in your current state. Step out on faith and allow God to use your skills and talents to take you further than you ever imagined. Get ready for your next season.
