PART 1
I rubbed my wrists from where the handcuffs had been.
“I just can’t believe this!” Chanelle paced back and forth with her hands gesturing wildly above her head.
I glanced around to see the destruction I had caused just hours before. The new entryway table that I was so excited to find at Home Goods now had a crack on the top that split off in about twenty different directions. I stared at the middle point, following the circles around and around as they spread out. I wonder if I could make this look like it was on purpose.
“You had the police called on you. The PO-LICE! This ain’t a movie. We out here dying in these streets and here you are asking the po-po’s to come all up and through your home. For the love of God!” Chanelle stood with her hand on her hips. Her braids were piled haphazardly into a ponytail on top of her head. I forgot how cranky she can be when she hasn’t had enough sleep. I looked at my watch and it read 1:02 a.m.
“We don’t know the whole story Chanelle,” said Cami.
“Uh, who needs a whole story when we had to go bail Laila Ali over here out of jail for assault with a deadly weapon?”
“You didn’t have to bail me out. I never officially got arrested,” I said. “He dropped the charges.”
“Um, they had you in handcuffs. That’s basically arrest. You know they’re killing us in jail cells and blaming it on suicide and yet you’re around here having a knife fight like you’re in the wild wild west. Who does that?”
“Who had a knife?” Cami looked as if she was going to be sick. “We need to think logically about this. Liz, what are the policies at the school about this type of behavior? What if your students find out?”
“Who gives a flying fu-” Chanelle cut herself off and glanced at Cami knowing she would disapprove of such language. Ignoring Cami’s eyes and frown, she continued, “Those kids will look back one day after they’ve done some dumb stuff and think about how many times they could have been locked up. What I want to know is what in the world happened? And yes Cami, that was an edited version of what I really want to say because I’m not in the mood to have you judging me.” Chanelle pointed her bony finger at Cami then redirected it to Liz. “Spill it.”
“You know the whole story. James called the police on me for assaulting him.” I began walking up the steps and picking up the open toe heels I had kicked off. Chanelle and Cami followed close behind.
“Now you know good and got-damn well-“
“Chanelle, please! That’s too far!” Cami was practically in tears.
“I said ‘got’ not god.” Chanelle waved her hand at Cami.
“No, you didn’t. You’re going to hell.”
“Well, excuse me, Saint Cami. Looks like Liz is coming with me.” Chanelle turned around to face Liz. “Like I was saying, you know good and –” she cut a look at Cami, “well that there is more to the story than what that officer said. Why are you being so elusive? And stop fu-freaking cleaning up!” Chanelle grabbed me by my wrists and tugged me down to the floor at the top of the steps. Cami sat on the other side of me and began to slowly rub the middle of my back.
“What’s going on Liz? We didn’t know you and James were having domestic issues,” Cami’s voice trailed off. “I mean, no marriage is perfect but you guys just returned from New York and seemed to be in such high spirits. How did you go from that to this?”
I felt my eyes watering. How was I going to explain that my temper got the best of me and I just snapped? I always told myself I wasn’t like my father. I was not mean. I was not abusive. I was always under control. I put my forehead in my hands and willed myself not to let a tear fall.
Chanelle softened her tone and said, “Girl, you don’t have to be strong for us. Just talk to us. What happened?”
I wasn’t sure I could rehash it. The image will be forever branded in my forehead. Seeing James sitting with that woman at lunch today, something just wasn’t right. I felt it in my spirit. They weren’t sitting close enough to be obvious but they weren’t far apart enough to be strangers. I sensed a familiarity and ease in how they interacted. It was as if they were used to sharing a common space.
They were seated in the back corner of the restaurant and I was seated on the opposite side. I could tell it was James by his dreadlock ponytail. I had just retwisted his hair the night before. His back was to me, but I had a clear view of her.
She was considerably younger than me but that was a non-factor. I worked out religiously every morning at 5:30 before heading to the school and had the small waist and flat stomach to show for it. My lean frame was a gift from my momma’s side of the family but my ample behind came from my father’s side and I had to work hard to keep it in check. I remembered a previous boss telling me how after you hit 32, things go downhill fast if you’re not careful. I was careful.
She was pretty but not beautiful. It was the kind of pretty that was achieved by careful planning in the morning to get the eyebrow arch just right, the lipstick shade the perfect hint of brown to look nude but not washed out, and the curly weave that looks natural because you left the front and sides out so they blend in just right. Had there been other circumstances, I probably would have complimented her.
I was with a coworker and didn’t want to cause a scene. I was highly respected at work and plus, I wasn’t 100% sure that there was foul play going on. I watched them laugh and hold a consistent conversation. I tried to keep up appearances and maintain a conversation at my own table, but I was distracted.
I kept wondering who she was because he has never mentioned working with a new woman, let alone a colleague he would be out to lunch with. I know James had several clients that he had to schmooze with but how many black women work in the world of athletic engineering. Kudos for her if it was legit but I soon found out it wasn’t.
I shrugged Cami’s hand off my back and got up from the step to walk into the bedroom but stopped in the doorway. I realized that I was never going to be able to sleep in that bed again.
“What happened Liz?” Cami and Chanelle were on my left and right. I felt my knees buckle. All the adrenaline that had been coursing through my veins earlier had gone and I felt exhausted. Cami caught me and helped lower me to the floor. Chanelle grabbed the throw pillows from the couch in the room and brought them over to us. We immediately laid down with our heads piled together, the same way we used to as kids during our monthly sleepovers.
“James cheated on me,” I whispered. They sat silently, waiting for more of the story. “I saw him with a woman I had never met. They were at lunch in the same restaurant. I didn’t say anything right then because I think I was in shock. We had such a wonderful time in New York. I thought we were on the mend. After the news about the baby, I just needed to get away. He catered to me all weekend and I thought he was finally okay with us not being able to conceive.”
“Oh, Liz.” Cami grabbed my hand.
“I know, I know. It’s not my fault and this is just one of those things. I can always adopt or use a surrogate. But who is going to tell me why my body can’t hold a baby. Why can’t a baby last inside of me?”
Chanelle grabbed my other hand.
“I told James this and he cried. He actually had the nerve to cry. And he held me, rocked me to sleep, kissed my forehead, my stomach. It’s like he was trying to heal me with his own kisses and tears. I can’t even begin to describe how much I needed that. I needed to not feel like a horrible woman because my body couldn’t do the one thing it was designed for.”
I sat up.
“So, for me to see him with this woman- I knew something was off. Something wasn’t right. For one, he always tells me when he has to go out for lunch because then I won’t fix his lunch. We’ve been eating clean and trying to nourish our bodies properly to ensure we take all the necessary steps to be future parents. Two, I texted him while I sat at the table and he never looked at it. All he did was turn his phone over so the screen was face down on the table. He didn’t even frown, blink, stop the conversation. Nothing.”
I struggled to continue.
“My lunch was ending, so I was about to walk over and interrupt theirs when she stood up. He practically fell out of his chair rushing to help her up and I saw why. She had the roundest, cutest baby bump under her maternity shirt.”
Click here for PART 2
