I’ve been abstinent for a little over five years. I remember when I first started telling people that I decided not to have sex before marriage. I received quite the range of reactions:
First, there was complete shock: “Why would you ever do that?” and “Yooo, that’s crazy!”
Next, there was doubt and disbelief: “Girl, you’re not going to be able to do that!” or “You’re just doing that because your feelings were hurt, it won’t last.”
Some nodded and offered what they thought was encouragement: “Uh-huh, my beautician was celibate for five years.” (Insert blank stare here.) I even had one person voluntarily send me a “toy” to make the process a bit easier. These reactions were just from the ladies.
And, I get it. This life is not for everyone. It’s not easy but I believe it has taught me so much about myself, my mind, others and the power of God.
But, let me be all the way real- as noble as it sounds, going from being sexually active to not having any action was H.A.R.D. I didn’t really know where to start or how to overcome temptation. Looking back, I can easily see where I fell short and it started with the pre-date wardrobe decision.
Before I go there, let me ground you in the word of God. James 1:15 says, “Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”
I know I just lost some of you because I mentioned sin. I know. But sex before marriage, aka fornication, is sin. Like it or not. This verse is speaking to the process of sin.
Yes- sin is a process. It is not just something you just accidentally do. You don’t just trip on the sidewalk and fall into a sexual encounter. You also don’t wake up and say, “I want to lie to everyone I know today.” No ma’am, no sir.
The process of sin starts when a desire is created – Maybe you have been comparing yourself to others and feel the need to fabricate the details of your life in order to stay relevant. Or perhaps, you’ve been listening to sexy R&B music which has you thinking about sex. Better yet, you’ve been watching that popular television series that everyone on social media is talking and it has graphic sex scenes.
Now that the desire has been created, you want to take action on it.
As you’re getting ready to go on a date with the person you have been crushing on, you are also listening to that sexy song again and sipping on a lil’ something to help you feel a bit more relaxed. You go to put on your clothes and you have two choices: granny panties or the sexy lace thong.
When you think of granny panties, imagine the full-bottom coverage, 100% cotton, soft as butter, you’ve had them longer than you care to admit, they are perfect under sundresses because they stay put and you NEVER get a wedgie when you wear them granny panties. When you’re sick, you wear these because just the feel of them brings you comfort. You would never let anyone outside of your mom (if her) see you in them because they are seemingly unflattering in every way. Yes, those granny panties. Deciding which undies to put on is representative of the process that begins when deciding if that sexual desire becomes sin.
Full transparency? In the past, I went straight for the sexy lace thong. As Cee-lo once said, “she knew she was going to perform before she came.” Yep, soon as I put it on, I knew what I was trying to do. I knew what outcome I was striving for and that objective stayed at the forefront of my mind until the act was done, and I had given in to my body’s desires.
But for the past five years, I have chosen the granny panties because they represented me shutting down the desire before it gave birth to sin. I am setting myself up for success in the process. I learned what triggered me and put me on the path I was trying to stay away from. I also limited what I watched on television or read. My imagination couldn’t handle a graphic sex scene because it would feed a part of me that I was trying to starve. Remember, if you starve something, it can’t grow.
I’m relating the desire to sin to sex because that is a prevalent topic for myself and other single people like me. But don’t be fooled. There are other ways your desire could lead you down the wrong path. Envy, hatred, stealing- the list goes on. You have to ask yourself, what do you have in place to prevent the process of sin? Are you spending time in prayer, reading your word, fellowshipping with like-minded individuals? Do you have accountability partners who you trust to tell you the truth?
As you think that over, remember that God always provides a way out of temptation. You just have to have your eyes open and be willing to take it when it presents itself.
Will you choose the granny panties?
