Dear Future Me, Pt. 2

Dear Future Me,

Girl.

No, really. Gurrrllll!

I’m hoping that as you’re reading this in the future, in some beautifully clever way you’ll say these last few months weren’t as bad as they seemed. Hopefully, you’ll talk with enthusiasm about all the things you discovered and learned about yourself when faced with the adversity of 2020.

I really hope that’s the case.

Because right now feels hard. Right now feels awkward. Right now feels uncomfortable. Right now feels foreign and unpredictable.

You’re trying to navigate the tough truth in realizing that everything you thought was going to happen this year now looks completely different. Every expectation you bothered to formulate in your mind about this time in your life has been completely flipped upside down.

But you’re not alone in this sentiment. Millions of other people around the world feel the same about their dashed expectations. Be it milestone birthdays, romance, birth of children, big trips, connections with loved ones, or the concept of a first time doing whatever- all have been brought to a standstill.

Is there such thing as mourning your plans or expectations? If so, that is what’s happening now. And you’re mourning hard. I’m talking Biblical mourning . . . you know, straight sackcloth and ashes! You’ve balled your eyes out to your parents and close friends. You’ve grown angry and had to fight against resentment. You’ve also grown weary and tired.

One of the reasons this has been so difficult for you is that it’s more than just some canceled plans. You could have created new ones if that was the case. No, this is about you relinquishing something you didn’t realize you were holding on so tightly to: control.

You always considered yourself a woman who wanted God’s will for her life. At least that sounded good until you opened your eyes and everything was opposite of how you pictured it. Opposite of the play-by-play you had outlined from month-to-month in your head. You are now learning what it really means to surrender your agenda and embrace His.

Per your norm, you turned to the Bible to get wisdom and encouragement on how to manage this tumultuous time in your life. The story of Bathsheba from 2 Samuel chapter 11 stood out.

Often in the story of David, Bathsheba and Uriah, a lot of the focus is on David and how he was out of position, the sins he committed, and how that impacted his future. But as I revisited the story, I couldn’t help but think about Bathsheba’s life in all of this.

I wonder how she felt when she was summoned to King David’s quarters. She probably had no idea the turn her life was about to take the morning she awoke and decided to take a bath. Who knew that cleansing herself out on the terrace would lead to sleeping with the King, getting pregnant, hearing that her husband was in town but deciding to sleep at the king’s gate (yes, the very king she had just slept with), having that husband die in battle and then losing her first child all within a year’s time? She had her own 2020 year and I’m sure she probably felt as out of control as so many of us feel.

I can only imagine the cycles of excitement, shame, guilt, sadness, confusion and hopefulness that clouded her mind over the course of the year. I wonder what she learned about herself and how this shaped her view of God. Let’s face it, that was A LOT to go through and would leave just about anyone feeling bewildered or shaken in faith.

But thankfully, that’s not where the story ends. Yes, she lost her husband, but she marries the King of Israel, a man after God’s own heart. Yes, she loses her first child, but she goes on to give birth to a baby boy who becomes one of the wisest kings of all time. The advice and wisdom she bestowed upon King Solomon now lives forever in the book of Proverbs. She had to go through some trials but God’s grace and love sustained her.

I believe that God is doing the same in many of our lives. He’s birthing something through this pain, discomfort, and confusion. He saw this day from afar and knew exactly how humanity would feel. He knew the pain that would try to bring fear and doubt. And while He didn’t erase it, He has equipped us to get through it just as He has equipped so many others before us. He gives us beauty for ashes along with hope for a future with plans to prosper us, not harm us.

So, Future Me, as you read this, I know you are smiling. You are on the other side of this pandemic. You are healthy, surrounded by love, and walking in victory. For now, I will continue to pray, continue to worship God Almighty, and continue to have faith that this is not where it will end.

Watch my YouTube video here where I discuss this topic in more detail!