Single in Church . . .

“Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7 NASB) 

It was the summer of 2019. I was running late for church because I laid awake the night before having a “moment.” I was feeling down about another day, week, month going by and I had not been on a date or even seen someone that I found remotely attractive. I was complaining and asking God why it was so hard for me to meet an attractive godly man with a beard and tattoos. (I know they exist.) 

As I rounded the corner to turn into the church parking lot, it was as if everything started to move in slow motion. Standing by a white sports car was a dark-skinned man with muscles that strained against his short sleeve polo sweater, a beard that had thickness and shine, height that was easily around six-foot-two, khakis that left his ankles hanging out in a fashionable way, pristinely clean Nikes and a Bible in his right hand.  

I remember thinking, “Who. Is. That?”  

As I drove by, I surveyed my rearview mirror to see if there was a woman getting out of the other side of his car. Nope. Homeboy made his way into church by himself.  (Ahem, okayyyy!)

After a quick check of my lipstick, a smirk of confidence because my curls were popping and relief that I wore heels instead of sneakers with my skirt, I was not far behind him. 

During worship, I did my best to focus on God. After all, I was at church for Him, not him. 

I received a subtle tap on my shoulder and a woman with a gorgeous smile awaited me with a sincere compliment about how cute my hair was. And sitting fairly close to her was the attractive gentleman from the parking lot. I told her thank you and flashed a sincere smile before glancing at his ring finger as I turned back around.  

No ring in sight. 

The two of them were sitting close enough to portray familiarity but not intimacy. I peeped tattoos on his forearms (yes!). He looked a bit younger than her but considering how Black don’t crack, I didn’t want to make any assumptions. He had grey hairs in his beard and appeared to be in the appropriate age range for my personal preference. 

My mind was firing off questions to God, and I must admit- I was partially distracted the rest of the service. My eavesdropping went to new heights, and I was aware of every interaction they made with one another. I used every “tell your neighbor” moment that Pastor proposed to steal a peak or get a better look at him.  

You may be judging me right now but truth be told, every single Christian person in church who is desiring marriage understands the gravity of this moment. The very thing I was complaining didn’t exist was now seated behind me. From what I could see, he at least knew where Mark was and did I spy some highlighted verses in his Bible? If you attend a predominantly family-oriented church, are in your late thirties and have been single for a while, you really feel me. I sincerely love my church and the word that goes forth, but let me be clear, I’m not there for the plethora of single men. (Chile, it seems like errybody’s married.)  

There was a tentative excitement bubbling up inside of me. To be discussing exactly what I like the night before, then seeing the prototype in the flesh the next day had to be a sign of God, right? 

That brings us to this week’s verse. When Samuel was looking for King Saul’s replacement in Bethlehem amongst Jesse’s sons, in walked Eliab. Samuel immediately took notice of him because he had the outer appearance of a great king and actually resembled Saul, the current king. Samuel thought surely, Eliab had to be the one. But God instructed Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God does not see as man sees, since man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 

Samuel was looking for what he thought the king should look like. Mistakenly, this assumption was based strictly off physical appearance and his current experience. However, the sons he had seen were not God’s chosen king. 

And God didn’t choose the eye-candy for me either. That evening, after I repented for my lustful thoughts (keeping it real with ya’ll), I took this gentleman before God in prayer and asked plenty of questions about what to do. I was ready to “put myself out there” but I didn’t want to act without God’s go-ahead. If there was purpose there, He would show me what to do and direct my steps.  

I saw the guy at church a few more times and even found out that the woman sitting next to him was his mom. And like so many before him, He eventually disappeared from the scene without so much as a conversation exchanged between us. I wasn’t surprised. Any time I took a man I found attractive before God in prayer, the Holy Spirit either showed me very clearly what I should or should not do, or the man would disappear, never to be seen again. Either way, I had my answer.  

And so did Samuel. When Jesse brought in his last son, David, the youngest of them all, who had been out in the field tending to the sheep, Samuel received God’s confirmation. David was handsome with beautiful eyes. He wasn’t what Samuel expected, but He was chosen by God to serve as the next king of Israel. 

Think about that. The chosen one was:  

• Unexpected.  
• Not in the place where the seemingly best options were provided. 
• Handsome with beautiful eyes. 
• A man after God’s own heart. 

Even though the man who appeared to have all the physical traits I desired wasn’t for me, I wasn’t discouraged. Instead, I remained thankful because I trust God. He can see what I can’t see. He doesn’t look at something as artificial as outward appearance which was all I had. There might not have been anything wrong with the gentleman, he just wasn’t for me.

There is a chance I will never know what God has kept me from when he didn’t allow me to become entangled with different men over the years of my single season. I’ve been an eyewitness to the disaster that comes from forging your way versus waiting on God. (No thanks!) I don’t want to force anything that is not for me.  

The marriage covenant is real. Therefore, I will treat it with the respect and due diligence it deserves as I wait. I continue to trust that God is going to provide who He has for me in the right way, at the right time. There is a high probability that it will be unexpected and look different than I imagined. Whomever He brings will be handsome in my eyes and a delight to my life.  

Friend, if you find yourself wondering when and why concerning your future, find comfort in the fact that the same God who created the universe has everything planned for your life. He won’t allow you to get caught up in appearances but will instead, look at the heart. Just when you think you have seen all you need to see, Jesus will bring exactly what you need. You are not forgotten, and you are set apart for a reason. Stay faithful to His word, seek Him above all else and He will graciously exceed your expectations.