It’s about that time.
The sun is going down a bit earlier and the nights are getting cooler. You can almost sleep with your windows open and the A/C turned off.
Other than pure excitement about pumpkin-spiced treats and scents, the incoming of the fall season means one other thing . . . it’s cuffing season.
Some of you are new to this, so let me break it down for you. Cuffing season = the time of the year when people desire to stay indoors with a boo because the shenanigans from the “hot girl summer” have come to an end and the holiday season will be here in a blink of an eye. The need for a warm body and a justifiable plus one to family get togethers becomes preferable so Aunt Lucy will stop asking, “when are you getting married?”
But COVID and its unrelenting variants have added a new layer of complication to the start of cuffing season. Last year’s cuffing season basically didn’t exist. Linking up with a previous boo was literally a life or death situation. You could have some virtual company or maybe do a Zoom date because cuddling, kissing and . . . ahem . . . anything else was too risky and put people in your social bubble in danger.
Previously, to avoid the seasonal loneliness, someone would shoot an ex or former boo-thang the “hey stranger” text (or perhaps slides into the DM’s with a wink-faced emoji) to flirtatiously start a conversation. Sometimes, it would even be a “wyd big head?” or a simple “hey.” These were all non-committal and safe ways to find out if the person was available.
Now, I imagine the texts may be more like, “you vaccinated?” or even “how you and the fam doing?” If he or she is truly determined, you might receive a phone call (do people still make those?) under the premise of “I just wanted to check in on you. You still in town?”
All harmless right?
Chiiilllleee. Don’t do it.
I know the thought of being cooped up in the house by yourself for another winter season sounds like the worst thing ever. But so is dealing with a toxic person who doesn’t respect your boundaries or is more interested in having fun than building a future with you.
You might be wondering how I know so much about cuffing season and its antics. I have to admit it- I’ve been the “cuffer” before. (Shhhh, don’t tell anybody.) Yes, I have sent the random text when I wanted some company or wanted to be taken out on a date. I will say that I was a bit more creative in my initial communication and asked, “hey! How are things?” – that sounds way more genuine, right? (*insert eyeroll here*)
I don’t share this to boast, believe me. I share it to let you know I’ve been on both sides of that text and neither one feels great. It’s all temporary coping mechanisms to avoid what the real issues are.
Being alone will make you do some deep-rooted self-reflection and that can be hard during a time when Hallmark is showing emotional porn and fa-la-la-la-la is playing on all streaming services.
But I think that is why this year’s cuffing season is so unique. COVID has either brought out the best or worst in some people. I find that a lot of women have done the hard work to get right physically, mentally and spiritually so they come out flourishing. (No shade, but I can’t say the same for a lot of the brothas.)
After that type of deep self-work, when someone reaches out, you now have the confidence and boldness to simply ask, “what do you want?” No longer are you trying to play it coy. You have survived being single in a pandemic. You have journaled, prayed, meditated, learned six new activities, started a new job, read every book in your house and invested in an air fryer. You, my friend, have nothing to lose. If COVID has taught you anything, it has taught you who you are and what you will or won’t put up with.
So, when that smooth text from that person pops up on your phone. You’ve got this! You can either respond and call them out on their stuff or you can easily delete (and block) without a second thought. You’re not willing to risk your physical, mental and spiritual health for a seasonal warm body.
Nah, son.
Cuffing season, COVID style, just got a new look.
