I sat at my table with my coffee mug warming my hands and the sweet smell of cinnamon and vanilla wafting up my nose. The sun poured into the room casting long shadows along the floor as the heater stirred to life. I was feeling cozy and rested on Thanksgiving morning.
The “Happy Thanksgiving” texts were already starting to come in, but I found myself giving a bit of an eye roll. On the day that we are supposed to display immense gratefulness, I was feeling a bit “bah humbug-ish.” The feeling had been lingering on the peripheral of my mind all week.
I was grateful for seeing another day, having a break from work and the beauty in a silent, slow start to the day. I was looking forward to spending some quality time with Jesus and letting Him minister to my heart. I was not, however, looking forward to being the single woman at the familial Thanksgiving dinners I was invited to.
I stood and walked to my front window sipping my coffee and told myself, “At least you have somewhere to go. Don’t be so ungrateful. You’re healthy, standing in your own home and right where you need to be. Snap out of it.” I shrugged then sat down to read my word.
Before opening my Bible, I asked the Lord to direct me to what I needed this morning. I couldn’t recall any stories that dealt with a single holiday season, so I asked Him to show me somewhere in the Bible that would offer encouragement to help me shift my perspective and walk in gratitude.
I started in Luke chapter 1, and I didn’t have to go far. Verses 6 and 7 immediately stood out to me:
“They were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord. But they had no child because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both advanced in years.”
You may be thinking, Carrie- you’re single, not barren. How could this be encouraging to you?
First, verse 6 tells that Elizabeth and her husband, Zacharias, a priest, were walking blamelessly and doing everything they were supposed to do. Yet, they still hadn’t received the blessing that they had prayed for.
Often in this single journey, I have connected the timing of my promise to my behavior. I’ve tried to logically reason why I am still single. I’ve remembered my past sins and deceptively believed that my behavior is somehow tied to God’s grace in my life. I’ve looked at my singleness as punishment, not preparation.
Faithfully, I know this is incorrect but when I’m leaning to my own understanding and trying to make sense of things in my own mind, I try to rationalize it.
Verse 6 and 7 destroy my rationalization. Elizabeth and Zacharias were involved in ministry, doing everything “right” and living blamelessly before God, yet, they had not conceived a child.
If someone living blamelessly before God had to wait, what makes me think I won’t have to? Stressing myself out to be “perfect” is not going to change God’s timeline. Instead, I can seize the season, walk in His grace and be about my father’s business.
Second, I’m sure Elizabeth felt like time had run out. It says she was advanced in years. Homegirl was old. And at 40 years old, while still vibrant and young, I can relate to feeling like I’m running out of time. I’ve often cried out to God and complained that my “good years” are disappearing. In my mind, I have expectations of what 40 is supposed to look like, and being the single, “Rich Auntie” at the holiday gatherings was not one of them.
Isn’t it silly how we tell God about our situation as if He doesn’t know where we’re at, how old we are, or what our desires are?
Let me also point out that being barren during these times was a sure sign of disfavor over your life. There was substantial weight placed on birthrights, generational blessings, and familial lineage. Barrenness carried a social stigma that could be humiliating.
That feels relatable.
Singleness often carries the same stigma, especially based on where you live. In the Bay Area, it’s very common to see single men and women above the age of 40. Sometimes, it’s by choice, and sometimes it’s not. However, in my journey, my pride has often deceived me and made me think that people are judging me for still being single. I’ve imagined that they are saying things such as, she’s just too picky or she must be difficult to be with. I’ve actually been told by people who consider themselves my friend that I’ll I’m not being realistic with my requests, my expectations are too high or I’ll never find what I’m looking for. Sometimes, people are just awkward when I mention my single season or my dating woes. They don’t know what to say and just shift their eyes downward and mumble some cliché before changing the subject.
I’m sure Elizabeth faced similar situations filled with insensitivity, ignorance, or awkwardness as to what to say. Well-meaning people probably shared their “remedies” for her barrenness as if it was all her fault and God had no purpose in this season of her life.
Chile, listen.
But this is not where Elizabeth’s story ends and it is not the end for you or me either. God answered her husband’s petition. You may not have a husband covering you in prayer and crying out to God, but you do have a friend, family member, coworker, church community and me. I am praying for my singles out there and anyone else waiting for God’s promise in their life. I am going to battle for those who desire marriage but think their time has passed. I am lifting up my voice to intercede on behalf of those who are tired of another single holiday season. I am covering my brothers and sisters who are struggling to make sense of the wait. I am praying God grants you with such peace and grace as you navigate the social stigmas, especially in the church, related to your single season. I am sharing my vulnerability so you can see you are not alone, and you have someone who can relate to you.
I’m also sharing my story to give God glory. Yes, I may be single but babbbyyyy, God is still showing up and showing out on my behalf. He has kept my foot from being caught in traps and “situationships” that could have thwarted me off the path He has set before me. He is fiercely protective of me and won’t let anyone in who tries to disrupt the peace He has given me. Settling for foolishness or half-efforts is not an option.
Dear friend, He will do the same for you.
As you go forward into this holiday season, know you have someone praying for you and rooting for you to win. Let the peace of God which surpasses all understanding envelop you and encourage you because He sees you and has not forgotten.
Click here to check out my newest YouTube video about being single for the holidays.
