Aging Wisdom

I remember when forty sounded so . . . well, old. But that’s because I was twenty-something with only a glimpse of what real life ensued. As I’ve aged and the wisdom I’ve gained has shown up in my physical features, I’ve learned to truly appreciate the value in aging.

I’m 41 years old and proud of it.

When you embrace aging, you also embrace the new version of your body because let me tell you, thangs just don’t thing the way they used to. In my twenties, I could eat anything, and my stomach stayed flat or the weight went where I preferred it to go. But as I hit my thirties, the weight started to be distributed differently. Now, I have to make a consistent, conscious effort in my nutrition and exercise. I understand what walking in heels all day will do to my feet or my lower back. If I drop it low, my knees produce their very own soundtrack. If I eat a burger and fries, I feel like I can see where it lands before my head hits the pillow that night.

But even in this, I accept that my body is different. It doesn’t make it any less loveable or attractive. I’ve adjusted my perception of beauty and set new expectations for myself. I’ve also learned to see the excellence in my current reflection versus holding on to past memories about what my body used to be. This body has served me well and I love what I see.

Please note, I am not saying let yourself go! I am just giving you permission to live a little. Eat the cake and order the fries occasionally. Nobody wants to feel like they can’t enjoy simple pleasures simply because they are trying to hold on to a youthfulness that no longer serves them.

A girlfriend and I were chatting about what comes along with aging and the range of reactions we receive when we tell people our age.

There is the Shocker who stares in amazement and blurts out, “WOW! You’re 40?!” This is normally from a younger person who has probably had a certain perception of what it means to be a woman in her forties. You can often see her mind processing what she thought forty looked like versus what she sees standing in front of her.

Close your mouth, girl.

I often attribute some of the shock to the fact that my life dispels what many would still consider cultural norms. I am not married, and I don’t have kids, yet I am joyful, lively and thriving. A lot of us are taught at such a young age that aging and adulting mean being married or having kids. Many women are taught that their sole value is associated with building a home and bringing life into the world. If we haven’t done that, something must be wrong. The truth is I’m still building a home. It just happens to be for one.

There is also the Complementarian (I use that word loosely). This is the annoying response that is a bit of a back-handed compliment, “You look really good for being over forty!” I recently received this from my Lyft driver who, if I didn’t know any better, was trying to proposition me on some foolishness. The petty in me wanted to respond with some quip about looking better than him on his best day, but I digress.

The Lord is still working on me.

I guess, in some minds, being in your forties means you are out of style or struggling to keep up. The media can even portray your forties to represent a washed-up mom or an old spinster with cats. That’s a shame because so many women I know in their forties are rolling in confidence, radiating self-assurance, and representing what it means to come into your own. Between killing career goals and rocking the fliest gear, my view of the forty-and-up club is looking pretty fabulous so far.

Lastly, there is the Skeptic. This person always wants to find a reason as to why you are aging so beautifully. “Oh, that’s because Black don’t crack!” or “You must just have good genes.” While all this could be true (sidenote: I’ve definitely seen Black that cracked), why does there have to be a reason? Why can’t it just be a logical thought that looking good in your forties is simply a real thing? I see men and women from my collegiate days aging like fine wine. I also look at my parents and see the benefit of regular exercise and lots of laughter in the aging journey.

Ultimately, no matter the response, forty and up is still fabulous and it’s not dictated by one specific thing. Age is a mindset. I attribute my youthfulness to a mindset that is still reminiscent of my thirties but with the wisdom, discernment, and income of my forties. I can actually afford to do the fun stuff I imagined years ago. I finally understand equity and can hold a reasonable conversation about the importance of saving. I can look back on the dumb decisions I made and choose to do the opposite. Best of all, if I don’t want to do something, I don’t. It’s my 41-year-old prerogative.

Age has been painted as this “avoid at all costs” process yet it is as unavoidable as taxes and death. I blame it on the images we allow to seduce us as we scroll through our social media feeds. Yes, I could absolutely have a six-pack stomach and sculpted arms, but I don’t want to spend more than an hour in the gym, and I want to eat carbs and sugar.

I’ve embraced all forty-one years of me, and I encourage you to do the same, no matter your age. Big-ups to all the people out there thriving and loving life as they take more turns around the sun!