A Girl with a Plan

When going on vacation, I’ve learned that some of the most interesting people you will meet will be on the airplane.

In my case, there was an eleven-hour plane ride and a young man sat in between my friend and me (she loves the aisle and I prefer the window). While we hoped the seat in between us would remain empty, we quickly saw that it was occupied but a young man she had encountered as she passed through security. His name was Tobi.

Commonly, with close quarters and long flights, you get to know a lot about the people you are seated next to. Tobi was traveling for his friend’s baby shower and to visit with his sister. More than once, he mentioned his ex-girlfriend including how he lived with her and was working on getting his own place.

I’m intrigued by the younger generation’s perspective on relationships, especially during the age of social media, so I politely inquired more as to why she was the ex-girlfriend. He went into storyteller mode and my friend and I were his captive audience.

They met at the onset of the pandemic. Although her home is in Philadelphia, she ended up staying on the West Coast longer than planned due to their blossoming, possibly promising, relationship. Their first year was strong but things started getting rocky in year two.

From Tobi’s point of view, they wanted different things. She was thirty years old and desired to be married with kids as soon as humanly possible. He shared a story about how she exclaimed in front of their friends how she “couldn’t wait to have a two-year-old screaming for her.” She even frequently asked him about what baby names he preferred, and she was leaning toward “Clementine” for a little girl. Tobi, on the other hand, was only 28-years-old and not even thinking about marriage or kids.

He went on to share that his ex-girlfriend was very calculated and had each step of her life planned out. She knew when she wanted to get married, when she wanted to have kids, and where she wanted her career to go. Tobi’s desires and actions weren’t fitting her timeline, therefore, they split ways.

My first reaction to hearing about this young lady, her detailed plans and her strict timeline was one of sarcasm and arrogance in a “been there, done that, you’re gon’ learn soon enough” kind of way. But I felt convicted about that perspective because honestly, most of us have either been a girl with a plan or know that person all too well.

We can all think of someone who had grandiose plans about how they thought their life would be at the tender age of thirty. Maybe the goals weren’t pertaining to marriage but instead were focused on what kind of job they would have, what their salary would be, what kind of house they would live in, or which city they’d put down roots.

And let’s not forget that all of us have made plans and attached timelines to them. Plans sound good. A well-thought-out plan sounds even better and helps us think we’re in control of our lives.

It’s only as each plan falls apart or each deadline passes that we realize that our plans weren’t so solid after all.

Case in point: I once jokingly-slash-seriously told my ex-boyfriend how if neither of us were married by thirty-five, we could give our relationship another shot and get married.

(Don’t laugh.) I was so naïve. Like Tobi’s ex-girlfriend, I had a plan and a deadline. I even had a backup plan to my original plan.

Knowing what I know now if I had a chance to chat with that young lady, I would encourage her with Proverbs 16:9, “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps” and Proverbs 16:1, “We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer” (NLT). I would let her know that there is nothing wrong with having a plan, but the key is surrendering that plan to God and desiring His plan above your own.

I would then tell her that even though she may be holding on to her plan to get married by thirty, what if God’s plan for her goes infinitely farther than just a marriage? He might delay her marriage plans and propel her career, so she learns financial literacy which allows her to easily care for her future aging in-laws, have a substantial nest egg for her children’s future college careers and end a mindset of generational poverty in her and her husband’s families.

This may seem like an unlikely scenario, but I truly believe when we surrender our plan and submit it to God, He will do exceedingly and abundantly above all we could dare think or imagine. It’s a promise in His word!

Instead of judging Tobi’s ex-girlfriend, I should have prayed for her. I should have prayed against her fear of the unknown and the propensity to make decisions strictly based on her feelings; prayed against the desire to make her goals bigger than God’s goals for her life; prayed against putting all her eggs in the wrong basket because I get it. She was a girl with a plan.