The sun was shining and the weather was beginning to warm up as the first hints of spring sprouted around us. Deep hues of purple, yellow, and pink blossomed in the landscapes as the cold from the winter began to shed its last frost.
Rhi was adjusting to married life while I was adjusting to living with my parents, but we wanted to play tennis again. It was time to call Luis and get the trio back together.
We met up at one of our favorite courts, and immediately, we exclaimed over Luis because he came unshaven with a face full of facial hair. He gave off a rugged, sexy vibe, which seemed to contrast with his normal polite, kind demeanor. We told him repeatedly how nice his facial hair looked on him. His face turned crimson with our exclamations, but we knew he appreciated the attention.
As always, Rhi and I were talking more than swinging; the topic was dating. Our Singles ministry had just hosted a panel about dating and no topic was off-limits. I originally planned to be on the panel but couldn’t join because I accompanied my mother to a social outing in place of my father who had to fly back home for a funeral. I didn’t want her to miss out on the opportunity to socialize and meet new people. Therefore, I watched a replay of the panel.
Luis and I were giving Rhi the cliff notes recap of the panel while we warmed up for our lesson. Top topics discussed by the panelists included the dwindling Christian dating pool, learning to trust God versus your own understanding when dating, resisting temptation, masturbation, and to-kiss-or-not-to-kiss when trying to keep it holy.
“What did you think about the kiss or not to kiss?” I asked Luis.
“I get why some said not to kiss, but I-I don’t know,” he said casting his eyes to the ground.
“My momma always said, ‘kissing leads to sex’ and she ain’t lying!” Rhi and I erupted in laughter. “But for real, I’m not sure I can do the whole ‘no kissing’ thing. The Lord ain’t called me to that ministry, so I’m gonna have to kiss.”
Luis grinned, “Yeaaahh, me too.”
We all laughed some more.
“Right? A kiss can tell you a lot. If you can’t kiss . . .” I shook my head. There was no need to finish that sentence.
Luis shared some of his takeaways from the conversation around men asking women out on dates which prompted us to ask him about his dating life. Rhi and I assumed he had dated somebody, so we stuck our noses in his business to find out.
“Have you gone out with anyone from church?”
Luis shared a story about a date he had gone on but didn’t go beyond that first date. He was extremely respectful of the young lady’s privacy and didn’t share her name. We didn’t press. We were just excited to hear he had gone out on a date. We started hitting and asking more questions as the ball popped back and forth on the court.
“Well, what kind of woman are you interested in?” I asked. “Of course, she has to love the Lord, but what else are you looking for?”
Pop.
Luis paused and I could tell he wanted to give a thoughtful response, “Well, I want her to be active and athletic. I like a girl who likes to work out.”
Pop.
“Mmmhmm.” I volleyed it back to him. “Got it. What else?”
Pop.
“Smart. Outgoing. Funny.”
Pop.
“What about her ethnicity? Do you want her to be Mexican?”
“Mexican girls don’t like me for some reason. My baby momma is half black, half white. I’ve always dated Black girls.”
Pop.
“What?” I was genuinely shocked by this revelation.
“Yeah, I grew up in a Black neighborhood and was always around Black families. It just sort of happened.”
Pop. I hit the ball out of bounds, but Luis always kept additional balls in his pocket to keep the volley going.
“Have you asked anyone out since that last date?” I asked.
Pop.
“No, I haven’t,” he let out a nervous chuckle. “Now that my boys are getting older and not wanting to hang out with me as much as they used to, I think it’s a good time to start dating. I do want to be married.”
“Aww, they don’t want to hang out with Dad as much?” we teased.
“Nah, it kind of hurt my feelings at first but that just means it’s time for me to have my own thing.”
Pop.
“That’s sweet. It may be God’s way of telling you to get out there,” Rhi said.
“Agreed. Are you the type to make the first move?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just didn’t really make the best moves back in the day.”
Pop.
“Have you dated a lot in general?”
Pop.
“Not since giving my life to Christ.”
“Yeah, dating as a Christian changes the game. Expectations and everything shift,” I shared. “I’ve dated some busters over the years. Just thirsty for attention I guess.”
Pop. I hit the ball out of bounds again, but Luis kept us going.
“Yeah, I used to not treat women so well. I didn’t believe good women existed so I didn’t value them.”
“I cannot picture you being rude to some woman, Luis. Are you serious?”
Pop.
“Yeah,” he hustled to the left side of the court to hit my ball, “I was in that lifestyle and thought I was all that.”
“You was mackin’ on the ladies then?”
“I don’t know what I was doing.”
Pop.
“Same. Dating as a Christian woman who is for real about her walk has not been easy.”
“Really? I think it’s easier for women than it is for men.”
“Ppssshhhh!” I pursed my lips to the side. “Yeah right! Who told you that lie.”
“I’m for real. Women get to choose. Men, we have to face the rejection.”
Pop.
“Ya’ll are the ones who do the initial choosing. We wait for ya’ll to work up the courage to say something. It’s annoying. I’ve had men tell me I’m intimidating and that’s why guys aren’t asking me out. But I’m not trying to be.”
“I was intimidated by you too,” Luis confessed.
Pop. I missed his ball but stood on the court staring at him instead of running after the loose ball.
“Wait. Why?”
“Well, you have this nice car and are in leadership at church. I just figured that someone like you is out of my league. A lot of guys don’t want to ask a girl out just to get rejected.”
“Luis, you’ve seen me struggling on this court, missing balls that should have been easy to hit then ready to break my racket in frustration. You’ve also seen me being silly, laughing or dancing all the time, and cracking jokes with Rhianwen. Is that still intimidating?”
“Not any more now that I know you. But it definitely was in the beginning.”
“Carrie, you know you can be intimidating.” I could also trust Rhi to bring the truth.
“I know I can, but it’s never my intention,” I emphasized “can” because while I knew that is how I was perceived, I never walked into an interaction with a guy, or anyone, intent on intimidating them.
Pop. Luis and I were back at it.
“Guys don’t want to be rejected.”
“I get it. But I think men need to make the first move. I know rejection is scary but for women like me, we are not making the first move. I’ve told the Lord that a man who wants to go out with me is going to have to open his mouth. I’ll smile, make eye contact, and do all I need to do to make it obvious but he’s going to have to ask me. In my opinion, it sets the precedence for the rest of the relationship. If you can’t ask me out, how are you going to lead in other areas?”
Pop. I hit the ball over the fence on accident. Luis produced another ball, and didn’t make me feel bad for the horrible shot.
“I think you’re right. But guys have to work up the nerve. Also, he has to have the right intentions.”
Pop.
“I think any woman worth her salt should at least be open to going to coffee or something when a man asks her out in a nice, respectful way. She’ll probably be flattered by a genuine ask. Plus, there is so much more to a person than what you see on the outside. Whomever you have your eye on, you should just ask her out.” I wasn’t sure why I was talking with such conviction considering I had turned down guys who respectfully approached me just because they had dirty sneakers on. Yet, here I was encouraging Luis to walk into the fire of rejection with confidence.
Rhi and I switched positions. She was now on the court with Luis feeding her balls while she kept the conversation going. “Do you want to have more kids when you get married?”
“Yeah, I hope so. But I’m open to adoption because I know I’ll probably marry someone my age and she may not be able to still have kids.”
Rhi looked at me and saw my mouth hanging open. I had no idea where the ball landed because I was too busy staring at Luis. The adoption comment along with everything else he had revealed threw me for a loop. Over the years, I have shared with close friends and family how I was open to adoption if it was the Lord’s will. I had just never heard a man relate the same and understand the reasoning. Also, his preference to date Black women and his upbringing around Black culture were complete surprises. It was obvious that I didn’t truly know Luis, but I was curious to learn more.
He and Rhi kept hitting back and forth but the conversation was simply background noise to my thoughts as I watched them play. Luis’ stroke of the racket was flawless. These were times when I saw his tennis skills show up so effortlessly. His confidence caught me off-guard as he coached Rhi on how to hit the ball back to him. There was power in his stance. His broad shoulders would pivot toward the ball and with a strong, swing of his arm, he would send it spinning right past her. He adjusted his hat revealing a glimpse of his bright smile as he laughed at one of Rhi’s one-liners. That smile and the ruggedness of his unshaven face were putting Luis in a new light.
We wrapped up our lesson and as we were packing up the car, he and Rhi did a special handshake.
“What is this? Ya’ll created a handshake without me?” I put my hands on my hips. “I want one!”
“Naw . . . you get a hug,” Luis smirked and sauntered over to wrap me in a tight bear hug. I’m not sure if it was the saunter or the swagger but something had shifted between Luis and I. I had no clue what it was or what it meant.
1 comment
Love it. Keep the stories coming. What’s next?